Motherhood! A Guest Post by Adrienne Carlson

Foreword: A special thanks for Adrienne Carlson, a nurse practitioner/writer who agreed to share her very personal journey on her struggles with infertility and continuing quest towards motherhood.

Those who have them alternate between extremely varying emotions – they’re either bursting with pride and joy or tearing their hair out in exasperation. Kids have a way of doing that to you; as a parent, you love them no matter what. But there are times when they test your patience to the limit. And this is why some people choose to stay childless – they know their limits, and their space sure has no room for children.

And then there are people like me, the ones who long for kids and are forced to accept the reality that motherhood is something that is not in my destiny. My husband and I have always wanted children, so we were apprehensive when nothing seemed to be forthcoming on that front for 5 years after we were married. We then went in for the usual battery of tests, all of which pointed to unexplained infertility. Even so, my husband and I were put on medication, to boost the quality of my eggs and that of his sperm. But a year later, still nothing.

Then came the IUI cycles, and with their failure, IVF took over. Needless to say, it was an immensely traumatizing experience for me, because I went through six failed attempts, each of which played havoc with my body and mind. My weight went up and down like a yo-yo, and I would recover from one cycle just in time to start the next one.

You could ask why I put myself through this form of torture, but the urge to have my own biological child was compelling. Until the day my husband called it quits, more for my sake than his. We moved on to adoption options, but the process was surrounded by too much of red tape. It seemed ironic to me that someone who wanted so badly to be a mother had to struggle so hard to adopt a child, one who was unwanted by his/her mother.

We went through the bureaucratic drill that was necessary for us to become adopted parents, but even a year after waiting, we are yet to hear anything positive. Perhaps it is because we prefer a newborn or a child who is under one year; perhaps we are just not lucky enough to be called mommy and daddy. But for now, we have resigned ourselves to being favorite uncle and aunt and playing host to my sister’s and his brother’s children when they want to take some time off.

Maybe motherhood is sometimes overrated, but not from where I stand!